Everything seemed to go wrong right away. appliances and fences broke down. winter brought snow that needed plowing and vehicles that needed service. My grief was dark and deep, and I was immobile facing the work before me.
A small light appeared when someone suggested that I try to do just five things each day. That could be a reasonable goal if getting out of bed and getting dressed counted as the first two. I must admit that some days, that's all that I accomplished.
Soon, I found videos that walked me through the repairs on the refrigerator, and the car. The tractors owners manual taught me how to run the plow and other attachments. My fence building skills improved each time I needed to repair a section or two. I learned to know the difference between doing the things I could do and getting help with the rest. I mercilessly picked the brains of friends and neighboring farmers for advice and instruction. Asking for help of any kind has always been hard, but I have learned that people want to lend a hand, or an ear, or a shovel.
As months progressed, I felt pride in the things that I was able to accomplish. I could see that there was always a solution to the problem, either on you tube or next door. I have learned that I am stronger and more capable than I thought I could be. I am independent but humble, because I need the people around me for support.
