Psalms 119:65-72 NIV
“Do good to your servant according to your word, Lord. Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I trust your commands. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.”
Ps 119 65-72. I'm really focused on these verses, realizing that I needed to come to a place where I was totally all In. I needed to accept the fact that as hard as I prayed and believed for healing, it didn't happen for a reason. The pain was still there day and night, mobility was so limited, even the simplest tasks became impossible. I continued to pray and receive prayer for healing, and all the while was being drawn closer to the Father. Bit by bit, distractions and idols were let go or were stripped away. I was overwhelmed with losses for a time. I had my Gasthemany moment, crying out to God, “Your will ,not mine….no matter what!” Then time and experiences to actually mean it. The pain and losses became a part of me, but not in a negative way, since the Lord was graciously holding all of my brokenness together, using this flawed vessel for His good and His glory. Without the afflictions, both physical and emotional, I would not, could not, be here now …. A disciple of Jesus, all in, ready to go where He sends me. At this point I am grateful for the affliction, for the pain, for where it has brought me. It has been an amazing lesson to ponder over the last several days. I am grateful for the gift of healing through Doctors and surgery. It seems God is providing this because I have grown and am committed to continue to grow. The pain and sorrow that I have experienced has brought me to the foot of the cross. I am grateful and will never stray again.
