He called yesterday to tell me that he had lost his job. It was hard to hear, but even harder for him to voice the words. It has been a couple of weeks, but it is still so incredibly painful for him to say out loud. It isn't really real yet. This was his Dream Job, the career that he has prepared for all his life, the culmination of years of hard work and study, an uphill climb with as many steps backward as forward..... in an instant it is gone. I hear the pain in his voice, he sounds beaten, defeated. He said he has been suicidal since he cleared his desk and locker out and left the building that held his ego, his trophy, his dream-come-true. Can't eat, can't sleep.
I could see the scene as he told the story, the meeting; a performance review...... talk of budgets cuts, he being the last hired, the so sorrys, and the long, lonely, sad march out to the parking lot.
He has a family to feed and shelter, bills to pay, a need to do the right thing. He sounded empty and lost. There is too much pain right now to even think about what comes next, he's so overwhelmed. He can't receive comfort yet, can't hear that "This, too, shall pass", that when a door closes, God opens a window.....
I am feeling his pain. That which hurts him, hurts me. I cried for and with him. I want to fix it, to go and yell at those bastards that have wounded him so badly. My Son, my pride , my joy.... I want to hold him and make it all better just like I could when he was small. He is an adult now, and the bruises and scrapes are adult sized. I can't fix this one. All I am able to do is tell him I love him beyond reason, and I am so very proud of him. I will be by his side through thick and thin, I am Mom..... that's my job.